Hour Rule

"Captain of the Enterprise" (justanotherdayinparadise)
08/09/2019 at 07:12 • Filed to: None

DISCUSSION (6)

Khalbali > Captain of the Enterprise
08/09/2019 at 11:37

I’m so conflicted by lambos, on the one hand they’re ridiculous and I love that, but I don’t know if I could ever own one (assuming I win the lotto or something) I’m just really not a flashy kind of guy I feel like I’d be too embarrassed to ever drive it.

How've things been lately?

Captain of the Enterprise > Khalbali
08/09/2019 at 19:38

I like it but think worrying about how expensive it is could ruin everything for me.

As for how I’m doing it’s been really bad again. About 6 weeks ago we changed some medication and then I had the worst anxiety I’ve ever experienced for weeks. We took me off it and put me on the old meds about three weeks ago and I’ve slowly been getting closer to my normal. I almost had to be hospitalized and was suicidal. I had days where I was having anxiety attacks for hours and could barely hang on. I only went to therapy and psychiatrist appointments for a week and had a string of days where I didn’t eat and barely drank anything. Food and water made me feel like I would puke for hours.

My therapist had worked with my insurance and found a hospital for me and we were a couple days from sending me there. It’s been slowly improving though. I’m back to both jobs. I’m trying to plan for the fall semester. I’m slowly feeling better.

Today I went to therapy and had a really bad anxiety attack for about a half hour. We went way over on my session to try to get me righted enough to leave and be able to drive.

When I get the attack I end up tensing all my muscles so hard that I have trouble breathing and my heart races and my whole body shakes. I can’t think and my breathing is so shallow that I feel like I’m going to pass out and my face gets numb like it’s falling asleep. Tingly feeling. Then I’m so tired and sore and unsteady that the rest of the day is basically just resting and lying in bed. I’m carrying a huge amount of physical tension for the past weeks/months that my body hurts and is sore all the time. My therapist wants me to look into getting a massage to see if that will help with the physical tension. I hate the attacks I’m learning to recognize and control them before they go full strength but it’s difficult. I try to breath through them and stay present in the room but it’s difficult even with my therapist helping me.

I wish it was better news. I really appreciate you asking though.

Khalbali > Captain of the Enterprise
08/10/2019 at 13:44

I’m really sorry to hear that, I know how hard it is. My wife’s been doing better thankfully on a new medicine and with some ECT, but it’s still been hard. Sometimes it feel contagious, I have weeks where I get pretty down too but it hasn’t been quite bad enough to need treatment yet, mostly just burnout from work. There’s dozens if not hundreds of different treatments out there though so I'm sure something will work for you too, I can't even tell you what all my wife has tried. Hopefully your insurance is working with you, that makes a big difference too.

Captain of the Enterprise > Khalbali
08/10/2019 at 18:50

I’m glad to here your wife is doing better. Taking care of yourself is really important too. My insurance is okay for now but it’s medicaid and there will be new restrictions next year involving having to meet 20 hours per week of work or I will lose coverage which is terrifying me. I’m scared of being able to handle that and college and if I lose it not being able to afford treatment and then getting worse and eventually it getting so bad that I just kill myself. Which is affecting my anxiety even now.

Khalbali > Captain of the Enterprise
08/10/2019 at 19:31

I know the health system here is downright criminal but try not to stress about it, a lot can change between now and then, and medical debt isn't the end of the world, they can't garnish checks or anything, my wife and I ended up filing bankruptcy to get out from under ours. Hopefully it doesn't come to that though, and maybe somebody here could help somehow if it does. I know it's a million times easier said than done but just try to take things day by day. If there's one thing I've learned from my wife it's that every day can be a battle all on its own, doesn't mean you'll never find a long term solution but you gotta make it through each day first.

Captain of the Enterprise > Khalbali
08/10/2019 at 22:55

Thank you, I’m trying to take it day by day hour by hour. Otherwise I spiral into an attack pretty quickly.